Whoever knew that something so small, a virus of all things, could cause so much stress, harm, and deaths. I have so many thoughts in my head concerning COVID-19. Especially when before this happened, telling a patient, "You have a virus, I can't give you any antibiotics" use to mainly frustrate folks, but not scare them. Now, if I think someone has a viral infection, I have to calm their nerves that it isn't the COVID.
I was not expecting for all to occur that has with this pandemic. I was not expecting to have to wear scrubs daily, to get used to wearing masks, and to treat everyone as if they were infected. I was not expecting to check stats on COVID daily, to discuss with patients the status of the world and that no one really feels safe anymore. I was not expecting the anxiety level to skyrocket, both for patients and for myself. I was not expecting to have to deal with such bored kids, I was not expecting to enjoy playing board games so much. I was not expecting to go into a depression, having a hard time dealing with life day to day.
I hope this ends soon. I hope I'm able to be with my friends and family again. I hope that my depression lifts. I hope I get the motivation to run again. I hope I don't completely ignore my kids when I'm home. I hope that I still keep doctoring well through all of this.
I just want to be happy again.
<3
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