Gratitude and Experiment

Days 20&21: Gratitude and 21 Day Experiment

I am grateful for many things. 

I'm thankful that Flynn expresses himself through jumping and squealing for joy. I'm thankful that Preston is so focused and works hard. 

I'm thankful that Preston likes to help his parents with tasks. 

I'm thankful that Flynn loves to eat. 

I'm thankful that Tim stays home and helps take care of the boys. 

I'm thankful for my job, and that it's something I enjoy doing. 

I'm thankful that I'm a doctor. 

I'm thankful that I work for a company that allows me to grow and build my practice the way I want it to.

I'm thankful that I have the capability to make patient laugh and to heal.

I'm thankful that I follow God.

I'm thankful for my Church.

I'm thankful that Jesus came to earth for me, and would do it all again if I were the only person on the earth.

I'm thankful for my parents and all their love and support.

I'm thankful for Kathi and how much love she shows our family.

Day 21:

This has been a very interesting experiment to participate in. It was perfect timing being in the midst of the COVID pandemic, and it allows me to document things about myself. One of the things that I learned about myself is that depression is a very real thing. 

I am currently in the middle of a depression. Tim has been very helpful through this all. I had a patient who tested positive for COVID who came into the office for benign complaints, and then I got an email the following day. Because of that, I had to get tested for COVID. That is not a pleasant experience. Over the next couple of days as I was awaiting the results, I was a bunch of nerves. I was so scared that I had COVID and that I was going to give it to my boys. I believe that is when my depression episode started. 

I have realized that it's okay for me to be in a depression. I have been on medications for years, and I have had to have adjustments periodically. I've been surprised that some people have been so opinionated about my depression. It's made me feel like folks have not dealt with people in the middle of a depressive episode before. It's okay for me to be in this depressive episode. Talking with Tim, I have realized that I am actually doing a lot better now, in the midst of my current episode, then I have in the past. I am a lot calmer, and I don't have such extremes of behavior. 

Even though I am in the middle of a depressive episode, does not mean that all days are bad, or that I feel sad all of the day. Yesterday was very hard for me, from the moment I woke up, to when I came home from work. But then Tim had us do lip syncing and that really helped. Today was a good day. Does that mean I'm done with this current episode? No, but that's okay. I can still press forward and keep moving onward.